THE EXPENDABLES

The Expendables promises to answer the burning question ‘What ever happened to all those 80’s action heroes?’ but ends up leaving us wanting to know ‘What the f**k happened to Sylvester Stallone’s face?’

The Expendables is writer/director Sly Stallone’s love letter to excessive action films of the late 80’s/early 90’s when men were men and the action was bloody, gory and over the top. The plot, or what passes for it, follows a rag tag bunch of mercenaries, led by Stallone’s Barney Ross, as they try and overthrow ruthless South American dictator General Garza (David Zayas) or rather the rogue CIA agent James Monroe (Eric Roberts) behind the dictator.

But let’s face it, you aren’t going to see The Expendables for the plot, it is for the cast and cast alone, and in that respect Sly has excelled. Stallone mashes actors from the old guard, Dolph Lundgren, Jet Li and Mickey Rourke with stars of today, Steve Austin, Terry Crewes, Randy Couture and Jason Statham; and a menacing but underused Eric Roberts as the villain of the piece.

Oh and lets not forget cameos from action legends Bruce Willis and Arnold ‘The Governator’ Schwarzenegger. That’s right the Holy Trinity of action heroes assembled together at last! Pity then that this undercooked tongue-in-cheek-less script fails to do the pop culture moment justice. A throwaway ‘president’ joke raises a laugh sure, but can’t we do better?

I’ll admit I wasn’t expecting much going into this movie, I hoped for a tongue-in-cheek True Lies style action romp. Instead, at 100 minutes, The Expendables is a bloated mess, things happen for no reason, characters motivations change on a whim and the action is at times so furious you end up having no idea what the hell is going on. It’s a real shame that Sly and co felt that aside from an ‘all star’ cast everything else like plot, story and character was…wait for it…expendable.

1.5 of 5 Stars

INCEPTION

What can you say about Inception, without spoiling it for those that haven’t seen it?

Not much.

So, the basics; Dom Cobb (Leonard DiCaprio) is a dream thief, entering others minds, usually business men, to steal their deepest secrets. Cobb is faced with a new challenge when former victim Saito (Ken Watanabe), hires him to implant an idea into the mind of business rival Robert Fisher (Cillian Murphy); a process known as Inception.

Cobb cannot perform the Inception alone, and gathers a team, including point man Arthur (Joseph Gordon-Levitt), forger Eames (Tom Hardy) and dream architect Ariadne (Juno’s Ellen Page). Complicating matters is Cobb’s unresolved issues with his wife Mal (Marion Cotillard) who makes frequent nasty attacks on Cobb as he goes about his business in the dreams of others.

It sounds confusing but Inception is quite easy to follow if you can keep up with the labyrinth plots twists AND keep track of which dream, and whose dream, the movie is occupying at any given time. Information is doled out slowly with the fate of Cobb’s wife overshadowing everything – and of course there is a twist…

Inception is perfectly cast and acted, with an engaging script and a foreboding atmospheric score, but it is the surreal dream state special effects that steal the show. Director Christopher Nolan pulls off some impressive visual trickery, including cities rising and falling and Arthur’s very cool ‘underwater’ swim through a hotel. There are clever touches sprinkled throughout, and the reason for a torrential rain downpour highlights a dry sense of humour.

While it does rung a little long Inception is a film that will benefit from multiple viewings, but that does not make the initial viewing any less satisfying. Inception will have you thinking about it, and asking questions long after the credits have rolled – and what other Hollywood blockbuster can boast that lately?

4 of 5 Stars

KNIGHT & DAY

Knight & Day sees Tom cruise return to his action star roots, not a Nazi in sight, dragging the impossibly gorgeous Cameron Diaz along for the ride. This time car restorer June Havens (Cameron Diaz) finds herself thrown into the world of high stakes danger and international espionage when she bumps into rogue FBI agent Roy Miller (Tom Cruise) during a supposedly routine domestic flight home. Only problem is the flight is filled with agents out to kill Roy. Roy saves himself and June, and afterwards June tries to go back to her normal life – however she is now a target – and Roy sees it as his duty to protect her as he globe trots his way to clear his name.

Knight & Day is a by the numbers action movie and while Diaz and Cruise have great onscreen chemistry it fails to fire here, a result of a script lacking in much logic or wit. A tacked on subplot about Roy’s family never fully develops and left me thinking that the whole thing is a wasted opportunity. Sure on the surface it looks pretty, and with a host of European locals that is inevitable, but dig a little deeper and you discover it has no substance.

Tom Cruise is very likeable as Roy, shaking of the couch jumping mania of his past - something he began with his turn in Tropic Thunder. Cruise handles humour and action in equal measure and really proves he has the chops as a big screen action hero – steer clear of dramatic vanity projects! Diaz is underused as the buttoned down June, spending most of the movie shrieking – what happened to the cool calm and collected Charlie’s Angel?

Knight & Day is only the latest in a slew of action romantic comedies (Mr & Mrs Smith, Killers and The Bounty Hunter – UGH!) that drop impossibly good looking actors into high octane situations so that laughs, and love, will hopefully lead to big box office bucks and while it doesn’t quite work it is fun, and I guess you can’t expect anything more than that – but when you have two of Hollywood’s biggest stars shouldn’t we expect more?

2.5 of 5 Stars

THE A-TEAM

30 years after it made its TV debut The A-Team finally makes its big screen debut. The story is still the same only this time it is Liam Neeson (Hannibal), Bradley Cooper (Face), Sharlto Copley (Murdock) and Quinton ‘Rampage’ Jackson (B.A. Baracus) as the Army Rangers framed for crimes they didn’t commit and forced to take down those responsible. Also along for the ride is Patrick Wilson as snaky Agent Lynch and Jessica Biel as the sexy (if uptight) Charisa Sosa.

I have very faint memories of the A-Team TV show – and most of those just involve Mr T. saying ‘I pity the fool’ – but even I enjoyed this big screen remake. It’s light action fluff with some laughs and some so obvious you-see-them-coming-miles-away double crosses. The intercutting between the gang planning their missions and carrying them out is a great way to keep the action coming thick and fast; however the climax stretches the boundaries of logic and CGI believability.

Believability aside it has a great cast. Neeson lends a grizzled air to boss man Hannibal and Cooper is suitably charismatic as Face but it is Copley and Jackson who steal the show as an unlikely comic duo; with Jackson ably filling Mr T’s massive shoes (with nary a gold chain in sight). I wouldn’t mind another outing with this crew, but could we plase get a Mr T cameo next time?

All in all a solid action romp; just switch the brain off and enjoy.

3 of 5 Stars

TOY STORY 3

Toy Story 3 sees a grown up Andy (John Morris) off to college; his collection of toys (or what remains of them!) will not be going with him - except for faithful pal Woody (Tom Hanks). Buzz Lightyear (Tim Allen), Jesse (Jane Cusack), Rex (Wallace Shawn), Hamm (John Ratzenberger), and the rest are headed for storage in the attic – never to be played with by Andy again.

However the toys bleak predicament gets worse and they soon find themselves (along with Woody) abandoned at the local day care centre, Sunnyside; which is anything but sunny.

Tyrant Teddy Bear Lotso(Ned Beatty), runs Sunnyside with an iron fist and a crew of likeminded toys which includes the terrifying ‘Big Baby’ and a very fashion conscious Ken (Michael Keaton) of Ken and Barbie fame. If that wasn’t enough the tiny tots at Sunnyside prove to be wild untamed savages when it comes to ‘quiet’ playtime. There is only one thing left for the toys to do, escape!

There are genuine thrills to be had as the gang stage a Dirty Dozen style escape from Sunnyside only to wind up in an even grimmer predicament – imminent incineration! I can’t say much without spoiling it but this ends up being one of the film’s most moving moments; which also wonderfully pays off one of the longest running gags of the series.

Like the previous two, Toy Story 3 packs in plenty of laughs, made even funnier because we know these characters so well. Buzz Lightyear receives a Latin makeover, Mr Potato (Don Rickles) head proves that he may just be the world’s best secret agent and newcomer Ken’s extended fashion montage will have you laughing out loud.

But Toy Story has always been about Woody’s steadfast loyalty to his owner Andy and it is Woody’s reluctance to let go of Andy (and vice versa) that gives Toy Story 3 its heart. In the last 20 minutes Toy Story 3 really goes for the emotional jugular and I’d be very surprised if anyone isn’t an emotional wreck as we say a final bittersweet farewell to these characters and their story – I know I certainly was!

I LOVED this movie. I was 14 when the original Toy Story premiered in 1995, to think that 15 years later it and its sequel (even better than original) remain 2 of the best movies I’ve ever seen is quite an achievement. That the third could be just as fresh, funny and moving is astounding. Pixar have made some amazing “kids” movies, Monsters Inc, Finding Nemo, Wall-E, Up, the list goes on, but the Toy Story trilogy is their masterpiece, with Toy Story 3 the crowning achievement.

5 of 5 Stars

SHREK FOREVER AFTER

Shrek Forever After is the promised 4th and final chapter for everyone’s lovable ogre which goes back to basics to remind us why we loved these characters after the bloated and forgettable Shrek the 3rd.

This outing sees Shrek (Mike Myers) bored to death by the monotony of married life; sure he loves Fiona (Cameron Diaz) and his 3 little ogre babies, but Shrek is longing for the days when he was an outcast ogre, striking fear into the hearts of villagers throughout the land.

Enter Rumpelstiltskin (Walt Dohrn) a bitter little mischief maker with the power to make Shrek’s dream of a life with no responsibilities a reality – a reality that means he never saved Fiona, never met Donkey (Eddie Murphy) and Puss in Boots (Antonio Banderas) is a fat pampered kitty. Of course once Shrek gets what he wants he realises that he misses what he had…

Shrek Forever After is basically It’s A Wonderful Life with a green ogre twist; that twist however breaths new life into characters that were on the verge of becoming over exposed and stale. Shrek 4 isn’t the laugh riot that the first two films were, but it does have more heart and a better story than the previous outing – though to be honest I can’t remember much of it!

Rumpelstiltskin is great as the main foil, complete with an assortment of mood wigs and water fearing witches, and the new ogre additions (including Mad Men’s John Hamm) don’t overwhelm the core cast. Fiona gets a chance to shine as a warrior woman and Puss in Boots continues to be the comedy highlight, even with his expanding waistband, and I look forward to his long rumoured spin-off.

And so the Shrek series (hopefully) comes to a close, one film too late but a fitting send off for the big green lug and the always annoying but adorable Donkey.

3 ½ of 5 Stars

SEX & THE CITY 2

They’re back! The once single ladies of Sex and the City return to the big screen in the sequel no one, except those who couldn’t let the show go, demanded.

I was a big fan of Sex & the City when it was the smart, funny, taboo busting TV show. It had heart and managed to make Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker), Miranda (Cynthia Nixon), Charlotte (Kristin Davis) and Samantha (Kim Catrall) feel like real life long friends. I thought the series finale was a great send-off to the characters, and leaving Carrie single, but attached helped drive home the message that you didn’t need to be married to be happy.

Then along came Sex & the City: The Movie. And while it wasn’t necessary it was entertaining, even if it did undermine the whole you don’t need to be married to be happy vibe of the TV series.

This brings us to Sex & the City 2 – and where do you go after everyone got their happy endings in the first installment? Apparently writer director Michael Patrick King wasn’t sure so he sent the girls on a ‘fabulous’, ‘decadent’, ‘all expenses paid’ trip to the United Arab Emirates, complete with some cringe worthy culture clash.

Having spent 10 years trying to get Big (Chris Noth) to marry her Carrie has suddenly decided marriage might not be for her, and when Big come sup with a solution she freaks out and takes off with her ‘girls’ on a holiday. What better place to run into former flame Aiden, the nice guy to Big’s bad boy. The big question is will she cheat on Big? The film wraps all this up in about 20 minutes, leaving the rest of the over 2 hour running time to be a bloated mess.

With Carrie’s storyline so light on the ground you would think this would give the other 3 girls time to shine. Think again. Charlotte is left to freak out that she is a bad mother (at least she doesn’t shit her pants this time), while Miranda hits a glass ceiling at work. Both women share a great scene together talking through their problems, but like the rest of the film it remains a little underdone.

And then there is Samantha. Samantha is trying to stave off menopause with any drug she can get her hands on. But when her drugs are confiscated upon entering the United Emirates she goes into meltdown, turning into a horny sitcom character version of herself. Samantha has always been larger than life, but here she is way too far over the top.

It might sound like I didn’t enjoy SATC 2 but I did. It was funny in places, and the established bond with the characters goes a long way in bypassing the flaws of the script. I wasn’t offended as a lot of people seem to be by the whole Muslim women modesty thing – but the last 10 minutes the girls spend in Abu Dhabi was some of the most ludicrous film making in a long time – like something straight out of a Carry On movie.

Whilst SATC 1 had an upbeat positive ending SATC 2 is far more subdued which gives the feeling that a 3rd film is all but inevitable (and Carrie will probably have a baby!). Hopefully they won’t feel the need to take off to an exotic local, and actually feature the city in the title. And please, for the love of god cut down the running time!

3 of 5 Stars

P.S. The 'I Am Woman' karaoke performance was way worse then the 2, count 'em 2, fashion montages in the first film